grace.

Sunday.

2011-12-11T15:02:00.001-08:00

Well I don't have much to say, but I can't concentrate on my work and I thought I would write a little. This is my last week of paying to teach. After Friday, I will be payed for teaching! Now that is exciting. I have a lot of work to do, so TTYL.

Not quite goodbye.

2011-12-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

Emotionally, I am screwed tomorrow. It will be a great time to see this man cry. "Why" you may ask... Because after three long and fantastic years of being the Music Director for the Corvallis Community Choir, we will be having our final performance together. I feel that this choir is my adopted child. I found it tired, starved, and confused. With much love, sometimes "tough love", and hard work, the choir grew. It grew in numbers, musically, and most importantly in joy. There is nothing like seeing people walk away from a rehearsal with a smile on their face knowing that they worked hard and loved it.

And what makes this hard also is how much i have been changed from this relationship. No matter how much this choir changed and molded to what it is today, I was transformed more. One can not overstate they transforming power of music and surrounding yourself with people to care and love you. i will never forget the the music, the love, and especially the people that have been so close to me in the last few years.

Thank you CCC. I will cherish this last time to make music with you.

Last video.

2011-11-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

Part 5

Next 2 videos.

2011-11-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Part 3.

Part 4

First two videos. (Out of 5)

2011-11-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

Part 1

Part 2

2011-11-17T09:31:00.000-08:00

in the saddle again....

2011-05-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

Crap.

Well it's only been about 3 months. that sucks.

So this weather is just awesome - by the way, no comics today but soon - it's mother's day and we are supposed to be planting our garden. This year we might be waiting until the first week of June. Want to know something else that is crazy. My father and I were thinking about Diamond lake all winter! He is a principal so Memorial day was going to be are first chance. Well.... The lake is still covered with a ton of ice and it most likely won't be free. That is crazy!

RAIN PORVERTY AND WIND ... YIKES!!!!

2011-02-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

Rain, Poverty and Wind have teamed up against the fly fishing superhero today. It was a new, bold, and daring move on the part of the villains. This was truly something to be feared. They created a trifecta (somebody help me with spelling) that was able to surround the fly fisherman but as they approached him he was not wearing his outfit. Nor was he yielding his weapons. So what was he doing you ask yourself. He was cleaning.

This confounded the team of villains. They circled, ready to pounce as soon as the fly fisherman took a step outside, but he never did. Were they to late? Could another villain have already attacked. Surely not. They knew that no one villain has ever defeated the fly fisherman and surely they would have known if there was another villainous team that had formed. So they stood there guard. Waiting at the ready. Continually anticipating, but only getting more confused.

Meanwhile, inside his warm, cozy home the superhero-fly fisherman had already defeated Apathy. Its funny. No matter how many times Apathy is defeated, she is always there the next morning to attack again. But, yet again, she had failed. The fly fisherman had seen the Rain, Wind, and Poverty coming and had already come up with a plan. Knowing that they would be outside, and already tired from his battle with apathy, the fly fisherman resorted to his cunning. He would spend the day cleaning and doing work around the house. He would not even acknowledge that the villains were outside for the whole day. He knew this would confuse them and make them question each other. He would continue to do this for the rest of the weekend. Letting the villains roam unchecked for a couple of days. He knew that this would build frustration after time and eventually the three villains would be weakened and then he would be able to attack.

So you are getting to see his plan on action. Be ready for Monday - when the now simple house cleaning, wife obeying, mere mortal of a man transforms into the well known and well anticipated fly fisherman superhero. He will beat the villains with a rod, some flies, and his cunning. And when he catches that trout, he will watch the villains run away in fear and agony as he lets it go to be caught another day.

From last weekend

2011-02-10T14:00:00.001-08:00

I am sitting in a little cabin. The most amazing part of where I am is that my wife is right across from me. She is beautiful. Our two dogs our zonked out on the couch next to her. It’s a small cabin; maybe ten feet wide, less then 40 feet long, with 12 foot ceilings. Even with its lack of size, I could live here. There is nothing but a little bit of grass and 3-4 pine trees between my front door and the river. “What river?” you may be asking yourself. Well it is the majestic and mystic Metolius. My wife and I have spent a day relaxing in a very mild early February on the banks of the mighty and legendary Metolius. We started out the day with homemade biscuits and gravy, yes biscuits and gravy - it was wonderful, fulfilling, and you have a problem with that, get a life. Then we walked to the store to buy a few items we forgot. I then spent a few hours fishing, I’ll address this later, and my wife spent the day embroidering (by hand) Oscar and Aloha’s names into the dog’s seat cover that she sewed herself.

I love my wife. She is everything I could have ever hoped for and so much more. Her amazing abilities around the house are going to bless our family for many years. I have only fallen more and more in love with her over the last three years we have been together. I can’t believe the feats we had to overcome, and I can think of a few still ahead of us, but we have done it. We have stuck together and not taken the easy road. I love you, my love.

So…

Yes! I did fish the mighty Met. today. It was a hard day to say the least. I fished for about 4 ½ hours and only landed one fish. I had to have my wife pull off my hip boots for me – they were full of water. I did hook a couple other fish, but the triumph wasn’t in the fish today. I have caught fish here before. The triumph I had today was that the fish I landed was on a fly that I had tied. This was a wonderful and new experience for me. I started tying flies about six weeks ago and I have gotten better and better, the firsts were UG-LY. I was very proud today. In fact I am still smiling about it.

The weather was amazing this afternoon. After the morning clouds went away, the sun came out and it warm up very nicely.

I have had a day that I will remember for a long time.

Rain, Rain...

2011-01-21T15:50:00.000-08:00

Go away.
Come again another day.

WAIT!

Actually don't. Go find a quiet place far, far away. And never return.

I am now proclaiming that the first moment I can move out of this depressing, horrid, mud-hole called the Willamette Valley I will do just that. I enjoy the rain until two weeks ago. Since then our relationship has progressively degraded. Now I hate it. Hate. Loathe. rain.

Sun, please come out to play.

Two new villains.

2011-01-08T12:38:00.001-08:00

So today I am sitting on the couch having just cleaned the kitchen. I am looking out the window and noticing that it is not raining and there are some little specks of blue stuff in the sky. Why am I not wanting to be outside? well, number one is Apathy. Apathy is a unique and special villain it doesn't have a gender. Doesn't where a mask and costume and doesn't have a secret office where it thinks up its evil ideas of how it can take over the world. Apathy is like a mist. It's not a spirit or anything, it is tangible. But barely. Most people don't see it when it sneaks up on them. You have to have a trained eye. It's weapons are as unique and dangerous as anything you could imagine. Although it has an arsenal to choose from, it has two that are his always in his belt. "What are they," you are asking yourself, well they are Internet, and Television. Huge weapons that are incapable of being broke or dismantled. They are always positioned to fire, just waiting for you to walk into the trap. Once you have sprung the trap by sitting in your armchair and either grabbing the remote or opening your laptop the weapons fire. And you are caught around the neck and then the poison starts taking effect. You can't feel it but before you recognize what is going on you look at the clock and realize that you have just been kidnapped for two hours. Two hours you will never get back.

*Side Note* the villain rain has just struck and I am putting up the white flag today. She wins.

The other new villain that has made his/her/its name very well known to the world in recent months is Poverty. Poverty is a shape shifter. No one knows if it has a gender or, for that matter, if it is even from this world. Along with shape-shifting, Poverty has one more horrid and powerful super-power; mind-reading. Yep. Poverty reads your mind and turns into the the cutest thing, or it can even be an intangible thing, that your heart will love and then slowly sucks your bank account dry. He has used the forms of puppies on me and my wife for years now. And the irony is, I know who the dogs really are but I can't stop loving them so I allow the draining of my bank account to happen. Poverty is a sly one.

So today a horrible thing has happened. It is unprecedented and may very well mean that it could happen again in the future. Rain, Apathy, and Poverty have all teamed up and struck the fly fisher super hero all at once. He was caught off his guard and had to retreat. But he will return to fight another day.

2010-12-22T23:25:00.000-08:00

Fly Fisherman Superhero

2010-12-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

So something that I don't write about very often, or maybe ever, is my passion for fly fishing. I spend most of my free time in the winter, reading, youtubeing, and dreaming about it. I really love it.

I was listening to "Talk of the Nation" today on OPB radio and they interview was about comics and their importance in America. I couldn't believe how big the comic industry is today. I have always heard about the "hay-day" of comics in the 50's but I never knew that it was still just as huge, or more today.

While listening my mind started to wonder, what about a comic where the main character was a fly fisherman. His foe is the evil villains, wind, rain, and hot sun, and the leader, the one that may never face defeat is the the wife who doesn't understand. Of course these would have to come in the form of actual physical beings, and when they attacked, the fly fisherman would yield his weapons; the fly, the rod, and the weight forward line. If the fly fisherman was skunked, he was defeated, if he caught a fish, he was victorious.

So, what do you think? Would it be read? If only I was a little more creative, I think I could be a millionaire with this.

The worst job ever.

2010-11-24T19:30:00.001-08:00

There are many odd things that I think about during any given day. But a couple of days ago I had a thought that has stayed with me for a while.

I feel very sorry for cashiers. I think that might be the most stressful job on the earth. No it's not having to deal with grumpy costumers, although that has to suck, and it isn't the crappy boss always breathing down your neck - making you account for every cent whether losing it was your fault or the employee before you - and it isn't all those stupid produce numbers you are expected to memorize. Those, although crappy, parts of the job are just that; part of the job. No the reason that I feel sorry for cashiers is the illusion they must suffer that the line will never end.

Think about it: you look up and there is three people in line. You finish bagging the costumers groceries and give them their receipt. While looking at the next costumer - giving a warm smile as every good cashier does - you eye catches a costumer falling into your line. The void of the previous costumer has been filled.

therefor, it is never ending, and on a good day the line will stay at three with the rare spike of five or six. But this time of year a good day is five or six and you know that their will be at least one costumer that is especially stressed out and has her three kids all under 4 - themselves stressed, feeding off of there mother.

It's been awhile.

2010-11-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

Well I don't know if I will say much but here are some pics of today. We live on an Apple orchard and it was a beautiful morning.

rough draft essay

2010-10-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

Everything you are about to read is true. and it is a rough draft. I hope you enjoy.

There are some things in life that are so wrong that they are beautiful. One Day last week I was staying at home. It was a perfect day; the sun was out and the apple trees in the orchard were in their fall plumes. I decided to get some fresh air from my studying and went out to find my dogs a little on the crazy side. It was my fault I hadn’t ran them in a few days and their energy was a little through the roof.

So I sent them chasing a ball through the orchard – their favorite activity in life – but only one returned. It was Oscar: My fun, hyper-energetic, Black Lab/Great Dane mix that is in his mid-life crisis but doesn’t know it yet. He had retrieved the ball and was ready to do it again. But his return brought up a very important problem; where was Aloha? Aloha (a-lo-a, the “h” is silent) is my 2 year old Boxer/Pit Bull/Viszla mix who I have to constantly worry about what kind of trouble she is going to make for me, and she was still out in the orchard.

I looked around and spotted her. She was slowly circling something below one of the apple trees. As she crept around, she would pause, lower her head, then jump, regain her composure that start circling again. I watched this go on for a couple of minutes and then decided I would see what she was interrogating. Walking towards her I brainstormed what it might be; Gardner snakes were really common out here but a snake would have tried to get away and then Aloha would have grab and brought it to me to be congratulated on her catch, it could be a field mouse coming up and down out of it hole but then Aloha would have tried to dig after it, it could be a mole – normally something that she would have gone after right away but the last time she did the mole bit her lower lip and didn’t let go – a very funny sight but one she wouldn’t have wanted to repeat, or it could be something dead. Something dead was my worst fear.

As I walked up to the scene I knew what it was immediately. A possum. Dead or alive, I had no idea but undeniably the ugliest creature God ever made. The last time I encountered a possum I almost soiled myself. I came upon it unexpectedly and instead of playing dead, it snarled at me – showing me its disgusting, and intimidating, set of teeth. So this time I kept my distance.

I stared as intently as Aloha. And then, right when I started feeling comfortable that it was dead, it breathed. And what do you think I did? Well I jumped, may have screamed, and ended up 5 feet farther back then when I had been. I don’t know why I was so surprised; it was just a possum playing possum, but I reacted like I saw Emily Rose hanging off the ceiling.

Well, a breathing possum only leaves one conclusion to the question what do I do with it? So I went to the garage and grabbed “The Varmint Killer”: A device that every farm and ranch have. Our farm has 2 or 3, but the one I chose was a simple, but very elegant, break action shotgun in the caliber of 410 (pronounced four-ten). I grabbed a few shells (just incase) and headed back out into the orchard. Aloha was still at it; circling, pausing, lowering her head, then jumping back.

Once I got with in ten or fifteen feet of it I called Aloha back to me. By this time Oscar was feeling a little left out and had come to see what all the fuss was about. I knew he wasn’t going to like what was about to happen but it would be good for him.

The dogs were finally behind me. I raised my instrument of death and put the bead of the barrel to the head of the possum. My finger starts to squeeze. I am a poor marksman; I close my eyes before the trigger is fully pulled. Crack! My eyes immediately open. The “Varmint Killer” truly lived up to its name and I smiled.

This is a reaction I couldn’t control. It was really a disgusting sight; the recent possum was still moving on the ground… Well you don’t need to know the rest. I think the reaction was a primal instinct that man has power and loves powerful instruments. Whether its knives, clubs, or in this case guns, they all have a special place in the heart of man (I know this is a stereotype an there are exceptions). On the other hand I think that I had a feeling of accomplishment from my paternal instincts. In our family, my wife and I don’t have children. So our dogs fill some of those needs. They are like children you can leave alone for twelve hours at a time and kick out of the house when they frustrate you. Anyways when it comes to a rodent that could give my dogs rabies or a dead rodent, I will choose a dead rodent.

The day was perfect; sunny and cool. I shot a possum. Oh, and I was in my slippers.

Some free writes from this last weekend

2010-09-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

Day 1 9-18

I’m in Sisters Oregon. A fun little town that thrives on tourists spending their money on the little independently owned shops. The shops crowd the main strip running through the town. They are so aggressively trying to get people to stop that they appear to be preparing for an assault on the people who do not stop, but choose to pass through and head on to their destination.

I’m tired. I am very tired. It is 6:20 am I have been out of bed since 5:30 and I have been awake since 5:00. My alarm to wake me, the one I set grudgingly at 11:30 last night, is set to wake me up at 7:00. Yes 7. To start my explanation of why I was awake 2 hours before my alarm is to wake me up, I must tell you that after setting my alarm at 11:30 already very tired from the week – it was Friday after all – I was assaulted for 30+ minutes by a snoring that could have moved the Richter Scale on the side of the north Sister. In case you don’t understand, the north Sister is apart of the 3 Sisters. A group of active Volcanoes ten mile to the south of the town of Sisters – hence the name of this pleasant little place.

The food at this little place is a little expensive. So I order some homemade biscuits and a side order of bacon. It just arrived and I must attend to this beautiful, healthy, elegant, I would keep going but I am hungry. That was amazing. A good start to my day.

MY DAY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAY!!!! Not the day I have had, but the day I am planning for today. So I have a break from my music dept. retreat this afternoon. SOOOO guess what??? I brought my fly rod! I, Shayne Flock on this day the 18 of September in the year of our Lord 2010 will fish the great Metolius River. Yes! ME! I am going to take on the toughest fly-fishing-only river in OR. I spent a fortune on flies yesterday, talked to all the pros I know of and have already scouted Camp Sherman. I a certain that I will prevail. BUT you must understand that on the Metolius if you catch 4 fish you have had a banner day. So I am shooting for 3. I hope to shoot some video today also, on my cell phone. Well it’s already 10 til seven – I am going to go watch the sunrise.

Peace.

Day 2 night of 9-18

Well if I could describe what just happened at the church I would quit school and just be a writer. But there is no way that I could accurately describe the scene that just occurred. All I can say is it is what happens when you put 100 + Christian musicians together who have not had enough sleep and were over worked on a Saturday. I is important to mention that they were Christians because I have experienced first hand what non-christian do in these circumstances, and believe me, it looks nothing like what just happened.

I will write a follow up tonight or tomorrow. Just wanted you to have something to read.

The Waiting Game

2010-09-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

It's funny how God tries so hard to rip you off your own two feet, and when He has balancing on one foot on the side of the cliff, your head looking strait down at the waves thrashing below, one leg strait out the other way, desperately trying not to fall and knowing it would only take a slight breeze to finish you, He still waits for your approval. He says, "Just let go. You won't fall. You will fly." And that grabs your attention away from the waves. You really want to trust Him. He has never let you down before. Everything inside you cries out to your rescuer.

So you say, "OK." and right then, when you are smiling, fully faithful to His words, tired of trying to control your own situation... you look down. You see yourself falling in slow-motion. It's just like the movies - you never see yourself tumbling over as you fall to your death like it is in reality - you see yourself falling face up, looking back at yourself, crying out, "Why?! How in the world did you think that was a good decision?" And right before you see yourself hit the jagged rocks, you squint. Your stay closed long enough to realize your still on top of the cliff, and that is all it takes to bring you back to square one. Balancing on one foot, one leg in the air and face looking at your demise.

But after all that, God is still there. Just asking you to fly with Him.

Here I am ...... again.

2010-09-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a library on a college campus. Although it is a different library on a different campus, it feels organic - like home. That bothers me. I am sick of feeling home on a college campus! I want to have a real home!!! I want to come home from a day of work and walk through my own front door and into my real home to my real wife, kiss her, and have her say, "welcome home, babe!" but no. I am on the 2nd floor of a library looking through the window at the trees and the green grass and the people passing by - the same thing I have done for the last 6 years on 3 different campuses. And yet, part of me is excited to start this next leg of my college adventure. I am ready to learn, grow, and be prepared for my next life. But then I leave this place, go to my temporary home and watch my wife come home from a long days work and then have the realization that I am starting my 7th year of school and I have been doing this WAY TO FRIGGIN' LONG!

God, I pray that you help me finish strong and quickly. I owe it to my overworked, over-stressed, wife.

On a brighter note, My father came up this last weekend. We spent two days fishing. He only caught one, I caught 6. HAHA. BUT he told me that fishing with me was a lot better then being a principal for those two days! It was a blast. I miss our times of fishing together - they happen way to infrequently nowadays.

Silver Falls

2010-08-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

I took the family to Silver Falls State Park today. It was great. There was only one problem; there is very few trails that allowed the dogs to walk. But, all in all, it turned out to be a fun trip.

We walked to Upper North Falls. Once we got there, we were shocked at the natural beauty. I couldn't believe how deep the water in the pool was (not that I was brave enough to jump in). Then we let the kids off the leash and they took a swim, chasing after pieces of wood. I got to spend awhile just sitting back and enjoying life while being sheltered from the summer heat by the mist of the waterfall and walls of the canyon.

It was another day spent amazed by God's beauty.

Amazing beauty

2010-08-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go fly fishing, so I took it. My buddy and I went to the upper Calapooia just south of sweet home. It was gorgeous! The beauty of God's earth just blows me away. I thanked every tree I walked by for the role it plays. I was constantly reminded by the pristine beauty of how fragile this little stream was. All of my senses were elevated due to the fact that we may or may not have been beyond a Weyerhouser gate that may or may not have said "no Trespassing". It was so peaceful out there with no other fishermen out there. and there is nothing like watching a fish come up to eat your fly.

Today I took a yard working job and it taught me a couple of things, very important things!

1. I am pursuing the right career. - in no way does landscaping, or yard keeping entice me.

2. We have really messed up God's world. I was reminded how stupid we are when it comes to introducing alien species. I was given the task of weed-wacking ivy and blackberries. It brakes my heart to see these species destroying the native habitat.

One last thing. If you happened to have received a resume from me, and are checking me out online... Go ahead. Then Hire me :-)

2010-07-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

wow...

So its only been 3 months. FINE "three and a half" months. BACK OFF.

First and foremost, I am sorry. I know I am a typical blogger. Do it religiously for a few months and then just quit. Well I'm back.

Some big changes in my life since I posted last.

1. After six long, expensive, but fun years, I have something to show for it. I have accomplished a degree in music from Oregon State University. I finished my final classes on Thursday of last week.

This is a HUGE accomplishment for me, and I wouldn't have done it with a lot of help. SO I have some people to thank. (you might want to skip my sentiment and go to 2)

Mom and Dad - I love you and thank you for the "love" (a.k.a. money) you have given me these last 6 years!!!

Now I have to reach way back into the past.

Adam, Chris and Pete - I will always remember the times we shared. Winco runs every night, hookahs, video games, family guy, 24, parties, and our last night out. Thank you for making Cascade feel like home. Travis and Tristen - we had fun.

Allison - I am proud to have been your MAN of honor. and I miss you dearly.

Dayna - I wouldn't be the man, or husband, I am today with out your friendship.

Kent - Thanks for making me go to OSU. Even if you abandoned me with no friends. Don't worry, I did just fine.

Gregg - Thank you for everything. God has blessed me with our friendship. Thank you.

Nickoli - I love you bro. Give NYC some hell.

There are so many others! Jeremiah - Your head is on fire.

I most of all. Thank you, Vanessa. My love. My life. Everything I have is you. I praise the Lord for sending you into my life. Thanks for your patience.

Ok thanks for sticking through that.

2. We have moved. My wife and I have moved to Salem and I tell you what, it has been great! The man we live with has been very gracious. We live on 8 acres with 5 cows, an apple orchard, a marionberry vineyard, and lots more!

3. I am attending Corban University so that I may receive my teaching license.

Wow I have so much more to say. I guess it will have to wait until another time. Life is crazy! But God is good!

Good Bye, Harry...

2010-04-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

In the week of Feb. 11 I started the Harry Potter series. Since then I have lived with Harry Potter on a daily basis. But Last night our relationship ended. Harry Potter lived, Voldemort died and I could no longer follow Harry's journey through life. Last night I had this horrible hole in my chest. The feeling of mourning for a lost friend. If that isn't the sign of a great writer, I don't know what is!

I think that the best thing that happened over the last 6 weeks is that I have found joy in reading.

This is why I started the series. WHich means I accomplished my main goal. I am still not very fast at reading, but that has definitely improved! Yay

The worst thing is that it can be an unhealthy addiction.

I need to apologize to my wife for not being there these last 6 weeks. I am sorry. Please blame Rowling, not me.

Today I still have a sad feeling knowing that I don't get to know what happens to Harry now but the feeling has lightened itself from my chest today. Wow, I feel like a nerd. I made fun of all the people who couldn't wait for the next book for nearly a decade. Then I picked up the first one and in 6 weeks I finished them. and the whole time, I couldn't wait until the next one. I can't imagine having to wait a whole year.

I do regret speeding through it now that it is over. I want to spend more time in Harry's world but now that I have finished I know that I will have to wait a long time before I can return.

So Farewell my new friends. I will see you someday in the future.

That was fast. Way too fast.

2010-03-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well spring break is over and I am very disappointed. I would give anything to have a 2 week christmas break and then get an extra week for spring break! That would be better. I think people need a little extra time before hitting the books, I do.

This last week might have been the best week of my life! First, last Monday, a week ago today, I celebrated (with my wife) our two year anniversary. Statistics say we have conquered the two hardest years of our marriage. YAY!!! I love you, babe.

Friday before spring break we left corvallis and set off to medford. on saturday we headed to the coast with my parents truck and camper. We spent the whole week in Southern Oregon/Del Norte, and thanks to the generosity of many people, we only spent two hundred dollars. AMAZING. We went surf perch fishing and the beach, fly fishing on the Pistol river, toured the redwoods, spent hours enjoying the endless beauty, spent the night on a jetty, had the best clam chowder on the coast, visited a marine mammal rehab center, played about a hundred games of Yatzee (and got beat a lot), read the 5th Harry Potter, and spent the whole week amazed of how blessed I am with my wife!

I hope that I will have some pics up this week.

Have a great day!!!

God Only Knows.

2010-03-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny. I have always said that there is only one who knows the future and that we should leave it to him. The ironic problem is I never follow my own advice. I always flip out, stress out, get anxious, and then some things still never go my way. Once I have that realization that I really can't control what happens next in life, life always gets better. The difference? - one is like trying to guide a bull down the street by the horns and the other is like riding your favorite roller-coaster. you know, the one that becomes your favorite as you go down the first drop.

I definitely had one of those experiences this last weekend. If you have been following, I have suffered from a lot of anxiety this last term trying really hard to get the grades I need to get into a grad program here at OSU. Well guess what there is a 99% chance that I didn't get in. So when I got this news you know what I did. flipped out, cried, punched a wall, called in a bomb threat, nope. I smiled. What else was I supposed to do? There is only one who truly controls the future, and it ain't me. - side note: computer is telling me "ain't" ain't a word, idiot. -

I just want you to know that I am very happy with how the future looks and still don't have security in my plans yet, but, this time, I'll leave it to Him.

Worship and a really good mom.

2010-03-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I love my wife. I just got to bring her an arizona tea at her work and when I got there, she was slaving away, mopping the floor all by herself. She works very hard to keep us afloat financially.

So I haven't been going to church very much lately. This is the first time in my life that I have struggled with attending. There are a few different reasons, but mainly its because I don't want to. What I am about to share is a little personal and I hope it doesn't get taken wrong so on...

My wife and I have felt very isolated at the place we have been attending. This is OUR fault, and we take full responsibilty for getting us into this position. But I don't take the responsibility for the length of time we have been feeling this way... (that's all I am saying)

I foresee many changes coming in our life when it comes to church things. But most of all I have learned some things that I want to pass on to you.

One. Take care of your ministers. Whether they our your youth ministers, pastors, or people who are trying to take care of you, know that they have needs too. Too often people who try to fulfill other's needs don't have anyone to fulfill their own.

Two. (This goes hand-in-hand with the first). Those who serve need to be served. Every one has needs. For some reason we always think that the people in charge or up front or serve are perfect just the way they are. BUT WE WERE WRONG. Servants are great people, leaders, and sometimes they need great people to take care of them.

Three. Take care of your family. If your family is unhappy, SOMETHING IS WRONG. Fix it. Love them enough to help them.

Four. My mother loves me. Yes, I already new this. But she reminded me of it last night. I love you too mom!

Christ, I need you to lead my family back to you. Bring us to a family that will surround us and take care of us. We need people to get us back on our own two feet. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I reserve the right not to talk to you about this. But you have permission to inquire.

A great Love poem.

2010-03-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

O Mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies not plenty;
Then, come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.

This poem has inspired many song writers, and for the longest time I couldn't understand why. Not until Matthew Harris enlightened my world with his setting of this poem.

To me this peom sounds like a guy just trying to get in bed with a girl and using whatever words he can to do so. but with a little focus on the right lines, there is an overlying since of true love. I recommend finding a recording of this poem set to music by Matthew Harris. I wish I had the words to describe what I mean.

It really is all about what you see. I saw man-whore and seduction, but Harris saw pure beauty. He saw a couple chasing true love.

Just another testament to "Things may not always be as they seem."

Week 8 has only 8 hours left.

2010-02-26T09:54:00.000-08:00

My friend and I were just talking about how incredibly fast this term has gone by! It's actually quite scary.

- side thought: is it bad that every time I squeeze my wrist it "pops".

On thursday I have a 3 hour class that is supposed to be an intro to teaching. kind of a waste of time if you ask me... BUT last night was a high point in my college career. I would like to recommend the book Teach Like Your Hair's on Fire to everyone who will ever spend much time with kids. This is a quality book about what happens when you truly respect kids and hold them to high standards. The Author, Rafe Esquith, is one of the most sought after guest speakers int he teaching world and his HIGHLY decorated.(Disney teacher of the year, etc.) So that means that his time is highly sought after.

After reading his book our class of thirty students had a lot of questions for him. Our professor sent him an email with the most asked questions and to our surprise he quickly replied. He then said that he was horrible at emails but would love to talk to us on the phone. Well our class pleaded with our professor to use a class time to call - knowing that it wouldn't actually happen, besides, why would a world renown author spend time actually talking to a bunch of undergrad students??? But, again to our amazement, our professor set up a time to call him yesterday during our class. Excited and full of anticipation we spent over an hour and a half asking him questions about teaching. This was a very powerful point in my life.

I don't want to be the next Rafe Esquith. Actually, he doesn't want me to be either, but there are some things I want to imitate that Rafe does very well. I want to care about my students. Truly care. Enough to call them my children. I want to care about them so much that I I don't teach them music - I teach them to be honorable. I will use Music as a catalyst to teach about dignity and honor. I want to be an example for them, and that means I want them to come to me with questions about anything; life, relationships, their future, homework, anything.

So if anyone actually reads this (you could leave a message every once in a while to let me know), ask me in a couple of years if I am holding myself up to this standard. Because it is what my students deserve!

Have a great weekend!

the clouds (and rain) are back

2010-02-23T10:35:00.000-08:00

We just had a week of great weather. Sunny, warm, and beautiful. THe weather was so nice that trees and flowers started blooming a couple weeks early. The only thing that was bad about last week is that I had bronchitis. I missed a lot of school, spent a lot of time inside while wheezing and trying not to cough.

I am finally feeling better, but now the weather sucks.

today my alarm wasn't set. so on top of everything, I have that groggy, the day started crappy, feeling.

BUT

I am choosing to have a productive day. A day that I do well on the quiz I have in 10 minutes. I will get all the homework I need to get done tonight, and I will get everything accomplished so that I can watch a movie with my wife tonight.

So I challenge you to choose your day. Don't be affected by what the world around you is trying to tell you. and while you are at it, choose to laugh a little.

Lent starts today

2010-02-17T08:25:00.000-08:00

Here is the list of things I would like to give up...

Tests

Singing

money

stress

bills

for some reason I am not going to be able to give these things up.

tell me what you think.

Stupid Harry Potter

2010-02-11T19:07:00.000-08:00

So I had like 5 people tell me this last week that I HAD to read Harry Potter. After a couple of days I finally gave in. I read the first one in two days. Problem is...

I didn't do anything else. I did go to class, well most of them, but I didn't do any of the homework that was do in them. Stupid.

Yes it was addicting but now I am so far behind I probably not get to do anything fun this weekend.

The worst part of reading the first book is that I knew the ending thanks to the movie, so I had a hard time anticipating the villain.

But hopefully soon the second one will be started.

Have a fantastic Friday.

Anxiety and a grad app.

2010-02-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

There are days when all I feel is scared. I am scared of letting the people closest to me down, scared I will not live up to the standards that I have put on myself - the standards others have for me.

But it depends on the people. There are a few people I know and see regularly that I couldn't care less what they thought of me. I wonder why?

I have been told that I need to achieve a 4.0 gpa this term to confirm my spot in the graduate program next year at OSU. I have never had a 4.0 in my life. anxiety.

The pressure of having a larger family is always on my shoulders. I love it when my wife tells me she wants children. I understand that, and that is want I want also. BUT I really would appreciate all you other idiots who think it is your right to fuel already deep wants/wishes of motherhood to stop. I love my wife with everything I am, and WE will make that decision (or God) when the time comes. so back the crap off. anxiety.

There were a couple of comments made in my grad interview that made it sound like a decision has already been made that all the proffs will help get in and through the program next year. sigh. finally no anxiety.

Biology is about to begin. goodbye.

political activism BS!

2010-01-21T15:56:00.000-08:00

So outside the library there was a really cute older women with a terrier dog and they were handing out pamphlets. All anyone could see of the pamphlets was the back. It had a pretty picture of animals in green grass and the "compassion" on the top. I took one thinking it was about pet adoption - which I advocate for rather then breeders - I was wrong.

I looked at the pamphlet I had so naively taken and to my astonishment - it was about cruelty to farm animals raised for food in factories.

So I read it, and I kept an open mind while my mind was getting assaulted with the worst images possibly found. I knew it was time for the conclusion as the pages were getting less and less. I turn to the last page to see the words, "What Can You Do?" I look down with a little anticipation to see a informed solution and I see "BOCA" and "Gardenburgers".

I laughed.

I was expecting some awesome ideas on sustainable farming, and how Oregon should quite growing grass and actually make some food, but no I was suppose to support the corporate vegetarian companies.

TO YOU THAT MADE THE PAMPHLET: you lost all my respect and the empathy I built up while looking at disgusting pictures of the food I hold very dear to my heart. You suck.

One of my favorite Poems

2010-01-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

Silent Noon

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass, --
The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:
Your eyes smile peace. The pasture gleams and glooms
'Neath billowing skies that scatter and amass.
All round our nest, far as the eye can pass,
Are golden kingcup-fields with silver edge
Where the cow-parsley skirts the hawthorn-hedge.
'Tis visible silence, still as the hour-glass.

Deep in the sun-searched growths the dragon-fly
Hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky: --
So this wing'd hour is dropt to us from above.
Oh! clasp we to our hearts, for deathless dower,
This close-companioned inarticulate hour
When twofold silence was the song of love.

My Favorite line "Your eyes smile Peace"...

I hope you enjoy it too!

It's Sunny!!!

2010-01-21T10:51:00.001-08:00

I have a lot to say but first...

I want you to know that I am deeply touched by my friends. One wrote something recently that my ego will say was for me(because it filled me with emotion), and one said "inspired" by my last blog. And thank you to all of you that actually read this stuff!

I have grown up in music,as you probably know, and it is my life! But one thing that I never really appreciated was poetry. I had a hard time understanding it. But as I have matured I have a growing fascination with poetry and I hope to present some soon. But I have a class soon so I have to make this short...

I think that every student studying music should be required to take a poetry class. It is truly an art form and has so many relations to music they are almost inseparable!

I implore you to read a little poetry every day!

Saturday...

2010-01-09T14:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes clouds make everything look sad and dim, there seems to be a lack of color in winter. Today could easily could be one of those days. It's a typical winter Saturday here in Corvallis - low thick clouds and the threat of rain hangs on everyone. This campus is filled with oak and maple trees - which means that it is gorgeous here in the spring, summer and especially fall, but winter... you have to be able to search out beauty. I have always known that clouds make a great backdrop for photographers and today I see why.

I am in the 5th floor of the Valley Library (to my cascade friends - this building would take up the soccer field and all of campus, it was made to hold like 4 thousand students) anyways, I look out the window and there is a old growth cedar tree taller then the 6th floor of this building, but what is amazing is the color of the tree against the clouds. something about the clouds make the green just glow. It is beautiful.

I wonder what would happen if we could look for, or better yet, search for beauty on a daily basis. even on the cloudy days of our life. how much better would life be?

What if beauty was defined as happiness, fulfillment, love, peace, grace, or all of those in one - a smile?

How much better could life be???

Looking for green on a grey day.

Still motivated

2010-01-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

I woke up a half hour later then I wanted to. I expected to do that last night at 11:45 when I couldn't fall asleep, but I was still annoyed. Not only annoyed that I had subconsciously hit the snooze twice before I consciously hit it, but annoyed that I was SO tired. Nevertheless I got up had a shower, drank some coffee and still was only 5 minutes late.

I enjoy sleeping very much! BUT I hate the amount of time that I use to do it. I would give my left arm to be a person who can sleep 6 hours every night and be fully functional. Yesterday I was helping my minister friend prepare for his class and while he was talking to me I started snoring. Literally, fell asleep on his couch, in his office, mid-conversation. I wasn't completely my fault: His couch is very comfy and his office was at least 10 degrees warmer then it needed to be. Still, last night when I was finally in my bed, I couldn't fall asleep. Luckily neither could my wife so we were able to talk a little before finally saying goodnight.

My Friends, today is a new day!

...and I am still tired.

BUT I HAVE HOPE. I have just decided that this is going to be my theme for the term...

Prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope
fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
-- 1 Peter 1:13

and I am still motivated to get up, get my stupid homework done and finish my last year as an undergraduate strong.

As one of my favorite people in the world writes,

grace and peace.

think about it.

What a monday.

2010-01-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

School started today. What else is there to say???

I have always enjoyed the first day of school. I enjoy trying to look my best (you have to impress), seeing friends after a long break, but most of all I have this amazing feeling of hope for the new term. I imagine the end of the term with good grades and a feeling of accomplishment. The problem is holding on to that for the whole term. I always seem to get burnt out about week three, regroup in week five and then slump again with the "Seven Week Blues" and then cram for finals. At the end I never get the grades I wanted, but today I have strait "A's". I like that.

Oh, Yeah. So the one day off a week that my wife has off from work is Thursday's. Guess what? I start classes at 8:20 and don't get done until 7pm. how awesome is that! ok so it sucks, hard.

But over all it is going to be a great term.

TTYL -

peace.

here it is...

2009-12-17T14:32:00.001-08:00

I have never had such a busy, hardcore term then the one that I finished last week. I worked hard, striving for a great grade point average. - "great" for me is 3.5, I have never done well in school - I was diligent for the first three weeks, always doing homework and staying a little ahead of my classes. and then, Pirates of Penzance hit, and it hit hard, and didn't stop hitting me for 7 strait weeks. Seven strait weeks of spending for then 20 hours a week in rehearsals and performances. I tried, I really did, to keep up. But everyone else seemed to be doing better then me at juggling everything. It wasn't until last week that I realized why I couldn't do everything.

Her. She was my problem.

We would get up and rush out the door. She would go to work. I would go to school. I would finish classes and 4 and rush to get some homework done and find dinner. She would get off work at 6 and I would be going to night rehearsals. afterwards I needed to be doing homework, but instead I would be rushing home to spend 20 minutes with her before she went to bed.

Yes. I can't juggle school, a performance, and a wife. and looking back on it, I am ok with that.

I love my wife, and I made it through this term because of her. The little time we spent together at night is what gave me the strength to get up in the morning.

Thank you, my love. I would give up my world to spend an extra 20 minutes a day with you.

I love you.

A Long time.

2009-12-11T15:07:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry for not doing this earlier. I have had a long term at school and there are many things I was to talk about! Today, my first day of freedom from finals, I am doing mind numbing things. i.e. Halo o.d.s.t. I promise to write lots during this break, but for now I do not want to think!

Peace.

Let me tell you why...

2009-11-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

My amazing wife...

...that is simple, because she is. Last night I had an excruciating 51/2 hour rehearsal. I call her and complain that I am tired, hungry, grumpy, tired and hungry. In 30 minutes she was at my dressing room with 4 homemade burritos and coke. She had not only brought me food but she brought enough to share with a few others. What is even more amazing is that she brought her own special stash of coke. She loves coke, and last night she chose to share it with the entire cast.

I told you she was awesome.

I'm tired...

...well, last week Vanessa had Swine flu and that came with a violent cough. She would wake up in the middle of the night coughing and I would wake up with her. Saturday night at a quarter til 7 we decided to take a trip to her parents because it was my sister's-in-law birthday. that night we shared a twin bed, needless to say we didn't sleep very well. Sunday night we got to bed late and then I had to get up at 5:30am for my weekly meeting, and then, to top it all off, I had a 51/2 hour long rehearsal last night.

I'm stressed...

... I'm tired, broke, and can not find my music. (which is in a small athletic style, drawstring backpack, in case you see it) I am going to the last place I can think of that might have my music as soon as I am done with this blog.

I'm hopeful...

... God is good. He has gotten me through worst places before!

My mother just called, she just told a story of her own lost music. Well it wasn't music, glasses. She said she couldn't find them for 3 weeks. When had been getting headaches everyday and finally couldn't take it anymore. She said she called out to God and asked him to find them. immediately a glimmer of light caught her eye and she saw them. They on top of our play house in the backyard where she took them off once while she was playing with us. God show me where my music is!

Have a good day, and if you want come to the "Pirate's of Penzance" this weekend or next here at OSU.

Alex walked in the door and I forgot what I was going to write about.

2009-11-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

It is interesting how the loss of something or someone brings the reality of their/its importance to your life. Some boyfriends don't understand the true treasure they have until it walks away. You won't realize the importance of cell phones in this culture until you try to spend a day with out one. I never appreciated my '99 Subaru Impreza until I grew from 6'2" to 6'4" and could no longer really fit in it, (Now I drive a focus).

I have had two of these realizations recently.

1. A very important one, health insurance. You don't really realize the importance of it until your wife gets Swine Flu and you have to take her to the emergency room. At that point you truly understand the importance of insurance.

2. The importance of my music. I have completely lost it. the bag that it was in carried all my choir music, an oratorio anthology, and my Elijah score. =$150. And I have this weird feeling, like a void is in my life. That bag carried a lot of who I am in it, and I am also scared I will have to replace all of it.

I hope you realize the super awesomeness of the things you have the people around you!

2009-11-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

So as you may know, I am studying at Oregon state University pursuing a degree in choral music education. You want to know what job that degree will get me in next year. none. In fact the only thing I can do with this degree is to go back to school. yeah... OSU sure knew what they were doing on this one, "Here come to our school and get a degree! That will allow you to come back again and get another degree and we will charge you a lot more money!" amazing. I fell for it.

I am looking forward to next year IF I get into grad school. Yep, me being the fantastic student I am might not have the grades to make it next year. SWEET. so what am I going to do with this degree I will get??? not to mention the booming workforce needed for this super amazing economy.

all I have to say is, thank you welfare! you pay for my degree since I won't have a job next year.

I really want to teach music. it is such a vital part of live! whole cultures have changed due to it. I'll talk more about music later.

Have a great day!

What it is to Live - a cold monday morning

2009-11-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

I was at a Thomas Hampson performance a couple of weeks ago - he is a marvelous performer! During his recital he talked about poets. I have never really liked poetry, and I think it is because I haven't ever understood it. But Thomas had a really great perspective on poets that he shared with the audience that night. He said that poets tell you in words what it is to live.

I loved that! it pretty much blew my mind.

I have thought a lot about that night ever since. What is it like to live right now? What can I tell people 100 years from now about life today. First off I acknowledge that I will never be a poet, and I don't want to, I just like thinking about it.

I could tell people that in 2009 people rarely talk to each other. connections are maid through digital conversations. There is a void in most people because of this. I would share that these are the times when americans started second guessing about the greatness of the USA. and maybe started second guessing about what it meant to be great in this world. It is a time when fans didn't cheer for their team but now cheer for individuals on different teams. - Someday I will write about my thoughts on fantasy leagues and how they are destroying the greatness of pro sports. Or what about how divorce is not only the norm but the expected out come of marriage- an effect of selfishness and self-gratification which is the absolute most important ideology of this day.

This is a tough question for me, what it is to live now. How would I express that fear I have because I have invested all this money into education and now I might not have a job when I get done? How would I express that I get weird looks when I say that I am married, as if I have made a huge mistake?

Poets, I charge you: Share what it is to live here and now so the generations to come will be able to learn from us. They need to be able to better themselves by looking at our mistakes and our qualities!

May God bless you on this cold Monday morning!

In case you haven't noticed

2009-10-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Corvallis- in case you haven't noticed, fall is here. (Cold, wet, and dark)

I really enjoy the fall. I like the rain, the leaves, and I really like football! I only have one complaint about fall...

I HATE GETTING UP IN THE DARK!!! First off, your alarm goes off and the first thing I think is, "it is still night, why is my alarm going off?" snooze. alarm goes off again, "Fine, I'll get up." and once finally do get up, the world should reward me for my efforts, but instead mister sunshine gets to sleep in. So I stumble all around my room, stub my toe on the dresser then step on an upside down high heel, and while all this is going on there is a vigorous "THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD" in the door way as my over eager, ADD black lab and his 3 foot tail await for me to go play with him outside. I never play with him in the morning, and the dog knows that, it's like he thrives on rejection. Which kind of reminds of a good friend of mine, J.

When J wasn't trying celibacy, that is how he was with girls. Always waiting at the door, wagging his tail, and waiting to be rejected. Now he is taking a higher path.

Once I do get up, I love the mornings.

There is now light outside and the world is slowly awaking, so I say to you, guten morgen!

Morning ... a rare poem

2009-10-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

the air; such power, such depth, so sharp.

yet it caresses my cheek

to breathe brings life, fulfillment, and a sharp pain to my nose

I love that feeling, the first morning breath of cold autumn air

it's a rare opportunity

to be the lamb.

while the Lion caresses you with His air

Good Morning!

2009-10-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

It is Saturday morning ~ 6:45ish. and I have been looking forward to this all night! For me writing these blogs is therapy, and I need a lot of therapy after last week!

So I ask you, how do we find joy in our lives?

I got to listen to a conversation last night that frustrated me and made me think last night. My friend N is in a long distance relationship and is struggling to the decision of whether or not the relationship is worth the stress of the very long, and very far distanced struggles that come with a long distance relationship. He was talking to my friend M, and they were discussing the idea of happiness and how that feeling alone should determine length and life of a romantic relationship. M had 2 quotes that struck a chord with me and were similar to this, "You are the only one that will always have your back." And then, "If you can't make yourself happy, then you can't make anyone else happy."

"Is that true?" I kept asking myself. Then I remembered a couple of things...

1. Jesus will always have my back! always.

2. Happiness is a feeling, but Joy, joy is real.

You see if a person only cares about what will make him/her happy, and happiness guides there whole life then that person will never be in a solid place. Feelings come and go. When M said that you have to do what makes you happy before you can make anyone else happy, she was trying to say that a person needs to be full, as in not lacking, before they commit to someone. The problem is that there is nothing in this realm that will fulfill a human. That is the way God intended it.

In many ways I agree with M, but it is not happiness we need as humans, it is Christ. When we allow Christ to be our identity then we will be made full and that is where we can find Joy. What is so amazing about joy? When your said, frustrated, angry, happy, ecstatic, and everything else in-between, you can still have joy through Christ.

That is something the world doesn't understand. When our identity is that of Christ and not personal happiness, we can lay parts of our lives for others, because we are fulfilled by Christ, not by pleasures of this world. and laying down your life for someone is the most beautiful display of joy in the world.

It is a beautiful morning up on the mountain top, clear sky above me, fog in the valley below, God is good. May you find joy in Him this day!

It's..... almost perfect.

2009-10-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

I needed to get away this weekend, I just didn't know it. I have never been so angry about going on a retreat then I was on the drive to "Anderson Lodge." I complained about leaving my wife for the weekend, giving up my weekend for the choir, how far away it was, and that I had to leave my wife for the weekend, I was especially mad about that one. I had 4 tests last week - hence the lack of a blog- and didn't hardly see my wife, and now I am spending the whole weekend away from her.

Then I got out of the van, walked about ten feet, and stumbled upon the view. The view I am looking at right now. I am sitting on a porch protecting me from the light rain, on the top of a mountain over looking a beautiful valley. The view is one of those that proves there is a God: It is one of those that immediately brings you to worship, instantly sparks emotions of romance, instantly and timelessly ... perfect.

It is almost perfect. What it is lacking is a beautiful Vanessa cuddled up next to me wearing sweat pants and one of my long sleeve shirts drinking a cup of hot cocoa. and there is an obnoxious group of people that won't shut up at the other end of the porch. They are kind or pissing me off, but they don't know what they are messing up. They aren't grasping the true blessing the view is, they have no idea of the power of God's beauty, they just don't get it, but its not their fault.

I need some therapy this weekend - which comes in the form of blogging - so you will here plenty of me this weekend.

May you take the time to allow God's beauty to effect you this weekend. and ... be changed.

a shot in the dark

2009-10-20T08:00:00.001-07:00

My good friend Kyle introduced me to this beautiful drink a couple of years ago. I am enjoying while I prepare for a long day which is sitting in the middle of a really long week! In the next 48 hours I will have taken 3 midterms and be heading to my 4th. I don't mind tests, it is just going to be a hard week.

Yesterday I got up at 5:30 in the morning to meet my brothers at 6. I can't think of a better way to start the week! We meet at 6, I make breakfast and then spend time confessing to each other. This what is called community. Being able to be completely open with your closest friends and having them pray for you, and in return you pray for them. If you have never experienced REAL community then start your own 6am group!

Then I attended classes from 8-12 at 12 I went to my rocks for jocks class and the sub. prof. started reading out of the book for a lecture, I quietly and respectfully, walked out with my friend Nickoli. We grabbed lunch and had a fantastic conversation. Nick is one of my closest friends, and he is LDS. We were talking about Sunday, well as usual, he was asking questions and I talking, and we found that there are some unique truths that the LDS and the Church if Christ(me) have in common. Nick informs me that one of the founding fathers of the LDS churh was a Church of Christer??? I found this really interesting; a member of the church who now condemns the LDS church to hell at every level was a founding member. Irony, got to love it.

anyways, after more classes and a nap I went to my choir rehearsal, it was a very successful! During our break my wife, who stayed home sick, called to tell me that my two dogs tried to make friends with the neighborhood, not so friendly, skunk. Yep, SKUNK! needless to say, Vanessa spent two hours bathing the dogs, and lighting candles all around the house with no success. I hate skunks.

2009-10-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

I had a voice lesson today, and it went very well. I am learning an aria from "Elijah" by Mendelssohn. I like Mendelssohn because his first name is Felix which I think is one of the coolest first names anyone could have. Oh, and because of his music. anyways... back to Elijah.

This Oratorio - a biblical story told through singing - is very intriguing to me. Felix does a wonderful job of portraying all the emotions of a guy that had a really hard life. 1st God calls him to be a prophet, and prophecy comes with the price tag of a warrant on your life. 2nd God says that Elijah is going to stand up to the King, another life threatening situation. 3rd God sends a pillar of fire to prove He is God and then Elijah has all the false prophets annihilated, but the King likes the false prophets so he puts a bounty on Elijah's head. Then Elijah goes into a huge depression and asks God to take his life away. 4th God reminds Elijah that he is in the protection of the almighty and later, takes him to heaven in a fiery chariot.

Like I said, tough life for Elijah, but it makes me think; what if I was called by God, would I go?

Could I through away my willingness to live, throw every relationship I have away, stand up to the most powerful people in the world? nope I don't think I could. But I want to have that kind of faith.

What is interesting is that Jesus Christ has asked me to be just as different. To stand up to wrong, love the weak and to show love even if that means losing my friends and family, standing up to power, and having my life threatened.

I want to be more like Elijah and less like me.

I hate media and the swine flu

2009-10-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

so everyone is freaking out about the swine flu - stop.

here are my possible causes of death that I am more worried of...

1. agitate the wife - definitely more dangerous then the flu

2. peeing on electric fences

3. cow tipping

4. driving a Prius (death by embarrassment)

5. running from Wiley Coyote and tripping on to a cactus (ouch)

6. death by falling space poop - (it can happen, ask NASA)

Comment and add your own!

I would like to say that I am very paranoid about the cold, but only because I am a singer.

see ya later

Who?

2009-10-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

Good morning! it is Monday and I feel good, that is weird, I know. so this might get really addicting, but I am having fun.

today I wanted to talk about me in the here and now, I don't want to reminisce. So who am I?

Well I usually answer that by saying I am a Christ-follower. Not a christian, not religious, I just want to look and act like Christ. (that sounds like a groupie) but the truth is I fail at that most of the time. I should get depressed that I can't obtain my number one goal in life but then Jesus had to throw in this thing called grace. I love grace.

Grace gives me the ability to get on a Monday morning and smile.

so I am a grace-filled, Christ-follower-failure. cool huh?

I am also a husband. I want to believe I am a frickin good husband, but the truth is I suck at that too. (if read the first one, I suck as a human-being remember). luckily, I am married to an amazing women who doesn't put up with any of my crap and once I admit that I am an _____ fill in blank with any sort of stupidity, she is very quick to forgive.

I am madly in love with my wife.

This is my 6th year as an undergraduate student. You should start calling me Van. (If you don't know what that means, you were never REALLY a college student.) I am pursuing a degree in Choral Music Education, which means I am going to school so that I can be unemployed, thanks OBAMA, - I hope you enjoy that Nobel Peace prize you got for your agenda. - sorry, carried away. I am not exactly sure of what I want to do when I grow up, it will either be a professional fisherman, high school choral director, professional soloist, or a stay at home dad. ( I highly doubt my wife would leave our future children in my hands on a daily basis) (my favorite blogging tool is the parenthesis)

I also have two insane children/dogs. OK technically they are dogs but they fill the children role for me. the problem is that they don't fill that void in my wife's life. (another topic, another time). We love them and they are fun! we have a three year old great dane/black lab mix named Oscar, and a one year old boxer/viszla mix named Aloha - pronounced like the city not the Hawaii greeting.

did I mention I love my wife, because she is awesome and I do!

anyways, i hope you have a great day and my God bless you!

Why conform?

2009-10-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

why would I want to blog? part of me believes that bloggers are people who think that there life is actually important enough to write about and that people should actually care enough to read about it. In truth, I think that bloggers are really egotistical. So why am I doing it? well, I am egotistical, and what people to think that my life is worth reading.

I want to talk about some old friends. But first a confession, I suck as a human-being. I am the worst long-distance friend that anyone can have! OK now about old friend #1 who will be called D.

D. and I used to be best friends we went to the same really small college and hung out nearly everyday, for hours and hours my freshman year. She taught me a lot of great things! She was the only person that could tell me that I was being an idiot, or a male pig, or a egotistical jerk. She also told me how to treat women in a serious relationship. In my sophomore year, D started changing. she was changing for the better, but I didn't know the changed D and was a little hurt. I held on to that for a long time. After my sophomore year, I moved to OSU and promised that I would stay in contact, well I didn't. and that was because (a) I am a horrible long-distant friend and (b) I felt like I had no idea who the changed D was. *time-out* there are a lot of people who know D, and should know that I totally respect her and regret not keeping in contact. *end time-out* since I left, D has been married around 2 or 3 years and has taken some drastic steps to help her physical well-being. and this is what has lead me to talk about her. As a friend who has spent countless hours with her in the past, I should know how long she and her husband have been together, I should have known that she underwent surgery this last summer. But I don't know how long they've been married and I didn't know about the surgery until last week. I suck. It is my fault and I regret not upholding my end of the friendship. - I am sorry D.

Then there is friend X. that deserves some huge apologies. I am sorry that I haven't been there to "carry" you through this time in your life. and you will moving soon. I have let a very important friendship dissolve, because I suck as a human-being. Friend X has never, ever let me think any bad about my self, X has always believed in the best me that is possible. and I don't even know if her name is "A" or "X" because I suck. (X insired me to blog- thanks for being egotistical enough, and open enough to let me read about you :-)

I have 3 more friends that I want to talk about later.

This was a really depressing blog, but know that I am not "depressed" I just have some regrets. My life is very blessed. I have a beautiful loving wife and a lot of friends, I just miss a few old ones.

may the LORD shine upon you...